In the midst of a breakup, heartbreak or transition you really have only two choices. You have the power to become a victim of your circumstances, filling your story with woe is me, I can’ts, and why did this happen to me? Or, you can embrace your hero story. You can decide that you are in control of your happiness, you can overcome this obstacle, and rewrite your story. It is the pivotal fight or flight moment in your life.
I look back at my life and think of how many times I could have given up. How many times it would have been easy to make excuses like, I am not worthy, I am unloved, or I am depressed. I could have stopped living my life when I failed out of school after my #metoo moment, but I chose to get back up. I fought for my degree, moved to my dream city, and landed an amazing job. I could have given up on love and fell deep into a sadness when I came home to find out my ex fiancé got cold feet and moved out. Instead, I decided that my life was precious and I needed to protect that. I grabbed my hero’s cape, created my own business, landed amazing opportunities, and later married the man of my dreams.
Jenn was left by her husband who was cheating on her with her best friend. Jenn decided to get even and find every reason to break them apart instead of finding gratitude in the fact that she was released from such a horrible man (and friend) and had a whole life of freedom ahead of her. Before she knew it, 6 years had gone by and Jenn had lost track of who she was. Her health was a main issue, she lost friends because she said no to hanging out too many times, and her son had asked to move in with her ex husband because his new stepmom was much nicer. The worst part of it all was that Jenn couldn’t understand why this was all happening to her. She was confused why she got the short end of the stick. And, she just could not see a way out of it. Jenn chose to stay in her victim story. She couldn’t understand that she could use this anger and frustration to rise from her circumstances. She lost herself and her loved ones along the way.
Sarah was on top of the world. Her fiancé was the love of her life, her family was a huge support, and she had just received a raise at work. Her fiancé developed a rare, undetected disease and passed away just before she could say “I do”. 11 months later, her mother died suddenly. Her father was in shock and pushed the family away in his grieving process. She could barely get out of bed and ultimately lost her job because she could not handle the pain of it all. She felt like her whole world had crumbled in just a year. She gave herself time to grieve and feel, but set a 3 month goal to press play on the life she wanted to live. She started to train for a marathon, she traveled to places around the world that she had dreamed of going her whole life, and she created her own business dedicated to her loved ones she had lost. She realized she could not control what happened to her, but had the power and grace to choose how to react to it. She embraced her Hero’s Journey.
It is totally normal to feel like a victim in the midst of your trials. But, it is when you choose to stay buried in these thoughts and emotions that you have actually decided to remain a victim. It is when you decide that the attention from staying low is much better than the victory of going high. Your parents weren’t good to you? You grew up on food stamps? You lost a child? You suffer from past trauma? These things are hard and can rock you, yes. I am not taking that credit away from you. You are a soldier, you are strong, you are incredible. You took on obstacles that no one would dare to. You carry pain, you carry hurt, you carry fear. And, that is okay. Allow yourself to understand that what you feel is okay. Find someone you trust to allow your story out. See it, hear it, understand it, accept it, forgive it. You deserve that. You are a hero! It is time to move forward into your hero’s journey and become the person you were meant to become for so long. And, know that I am rooting for you and I love you.
The easiest place to start loving yourself is to practice self-care. Now, a victim may say that self-care is hard, expensive, and time consuming. But, a hero will say that self-care is easy, vital, and priceless. Grab my free Self-Care Made Easy Workbook for tips and tricks on how to implement it into your existing routine. You will never believe how easy it is to change your mindset around what is for you.