It's Time to Embrace Your Inner 'Yoncé
You ever feel like you missed the boat when the confidence trait was being passed out?
Or, maybe you feel like you had it once before, but lost sight of it through heartbreaks and tough times?
Feeling beautiful starts from within. Confidence, my love is a journey. Makeup and sexy clothes can be fun, but the real work comes when you start to implement a self-love routine into your daily life. If you're unsure where to even begin, keep reading because I have a list of 12 things you can start doing right now. This one is jam packed with little nuggets. You may want to take notes, print this, or bookmark this page to come back to them as you need them.
1. Start Each Day With Affirmations
This is hands down one of the quickest ways to boost your self-confidence every day. Write a list of 5 or so affirmations that speak to you. Place them in a visible place so you remember to recite them every day. I suggest your phone background, computer screensaver, calendar, mirror, or bedside table. Or, you can set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself. I know this may sound silly or trivial, but your thoughts are powerful and the act of speaking them out will help to reprogram your subconscious mind. With practice, you can actively begin to feel these affirmations as truth. I recommend creating affirmations that resonate with you and your life. If you are not feeling particularly inspired, here's a list of affirmations to get you started:
▪️ I am worthy of love
▪️ I know my worth and have the power to say no to what does not serve me
▪️ I am strong, confident, and happy
▪️ I let go of negative feelings of myself, and accept all that is good
▪️ I am beautiful as I am. I don't need anyone or anything to validate me
2. Eliminate The Competition (and anyone who makes you feel less confident)
I'm sure you have fallen into a rabbit hole of comparison before on social media. Sometimes, It is hard enough to find strength and confidence in yourself before adding in the stressors of instagram and Facebook. Bringing in the jaded stories of perfection and glam that are on these apps daily only cloud your mind with questions of being enough. You are enough, my dear. Just as you are. I implore you to unfollow anyone who makes you feel less than, insignificant, or negative about your life choices. We all follow people who don't support us or our mission. It is time to stop being "nice" to them while being rude to yourself. Choose happy, choose joy, choose yourself for once. Feeling jealousy, frustration, or the need to compete is a thing of the past. Hit that unfollow button and watch yourself grow an inch (umm, metaphorically - I'm no magician).
3. Make Quick Decisions
When you think confidence, you may think of the word BOSS. When, you think of Boss, out pops the words DECISION MAKER. Bosses are known for their ability to make quick, unwavering decisions. A quick way to assert yourself and become an authority figure of your life is to make fast decisions. I'm not talking President level decisions. Let's start small with, "I want pasta for dinner!" or "I want to watch Game of Thrones tonight, not The Bachelor." The important piece of this is that you remove that long pause, the "doesn't matter to me", or the "whatever you want". So, the challenge is to start seeing how often you can make a decision in 5 seconds or less AND stick to it. The more you practice, the more you will feel in control of your own life. Your decisions should matter to you and those around you. It is time to fight for your voice. I recommend reading the book, 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. She's the bomb! And, this book is super helpful in implementing quick action.
4. Write 3 Things You Like About Yourself Daily
Celebrating your good qualities and wins daily is an amazing way to train your subconscious mind to look for what is beautiful inside of you. As you start out, you may feel awkward doing this and that is totally okay. Your 3 things could look more forced or bismal. If you cannot think of 3 things about yourself, switch it up and write 3 things you are grateful for. Give yourself grace through this process. You are learning and building your self-love muscles. A beginner list may look more like: my hair, my butt, my nose. As you progress the list may evolve to something like: the way my smile tilts a little to the left side, my ability to understand a situation from both perspectives, My springy curls fresh out of the shower. You got this, love. Just keep at it.
5. Dress the Part
You know that saying, "fake it 'til you make it"? Well, this is that. Invest in some quality items that make you feel like the goddess you are. Now is the time to uplevel from your head to your toes. I'm talking skincare, hair care, lingerie (even... nope, ESPECIALLY if you are the only one who will see them). No more granny panties, no more period panties. The bra you've had since middle school needs to go. I don't care what you have to do to say goodbye, but it is officially time. I know I preach that confidence comes from within, but feeling good on the outside and presenting yourself as your highest, most sexy self is a huge piece of it too. And, sexy does not have to mean tight dress. Sexy is what you want it to be. If sexy panties under sweats is your little secret, then I am all for it. If feeling a glow from your sexy skincare products is your truth, do it up! Need inspiration? Start a "sexy" board on pinterest and start to pin anything that makes you feel confident and sexy. Want to take your own boudoir photos in front of the mirror? Pin it! Comfy sheets make you feel luxurious? Get em! Look at clothing inspiration, hair, etc. It's time to walk the walk and talk the talk, baby baby!
6. Immerse Yourself in Personal Development
One of the best ways to cultivate a strong, positive mindset is to dive into the world of self help. You can hire a coach to get you to the peak of your self-confidence journey quickly. Or, you can choose the DIY route with books, courses, and seminars. I must let you know that DIY will take much longer, usually several years longer as you may have to weed through the fluff a bit. A coach is able to provide a non-bias regimen and keep you accountable and moving forward in a fraction of the time. There are so many tools for getting to a life where you feel like your absolute best self. And, the great part is once you start on this journey you will have a huge arsenal of resources to get you through anything life throws your way in the future. Just hold on to whatever methods work for you and store them away for a rainy day. If you want a place to start, I've created a Free Workbook for you. Head on over to ashleyvives.com/selflovemadeeasy to get your hands on it!
7. Stand Up Tall
Shoulders up and back, stand tall... your posture has a direct link on how "high" you feel about yourself. See what I did there? Just making the simple correction of a straight back when sitting or standing can add inches to your spine, which in turn makes you feel taller and more authoritative. When you walk into a room with that extra glide from standing tall and present, you will notice a shift not only in your mindset, but of those around you. You will command respect and ooze confidence and grace.
I have a joke with a friend saying, "it's a crop top day". I was feeling bloated, stressed and down one day so I put on a crop top, a smile and proceeded with our brunch plans. My friend was super confused when I casually threw on a crop top of all things and headed out the door after having a mini meltdown about how nothing in my closet fit. "A half shirt is what you chose?" I told her, "when you wear a crop top, you have no choice but to walk tall, sit straight, and rock it with confidence." I was simply restructuring my mood (and quickly) by making a quick decision (#3 above), Dressing the part (#5 above) and finding a way to celebrate my body while also fixing my posture (#7). Feel free to borrow my trick! Heck, I would love to one day meet you and have a crop top brunch together!
8. Become Your Future Self
It's time to take an inventory. Go through your closets & drawers. Assess each item and let go of anything that no longer makes you feel confident. And, don't think I'm not going to mention that panty drawer again. This is where feeling sexy comes into play. If you didn't already... throw out the sad panties. Ain't nobody got time for them!!! You are a Queen. You deserve to feel sexy every single day. Having special occasion panties that you pull out every once in a while is not cool, boo. Every day is a special occasion because you are hot, sexy, and fierce.
I want you to set a timer for 5 minutes and sit with closed eyes. I want you to visualize your future self, a woman who is confident, sexy, intelligent, happy, and beautiful inside and out. A woman who does not need anyone or anything to validate her. Feel her, see her, hear her. What does she look like? How is she dressed? Where does she live? What does she do for a living? What is her romantic life like? Ask her questions until you get a full understanding of her. Then, look at life through her eyes as if you are her. Where will you go? What do you see? How do you carry yourself? how do you speak? How do you smell? You now know who you aspire to be, the rest is in your hands. Start to dress like her, speak like her, style your hair like her, exude her confidence and joy. You will be that woman in no time. In fact, you already are.
9. Bring Awareness to Your Negative Thoughts
Start to notice your negative thoughts whether mental or verbal. Whenever you have one replace it with a kind, positive thought.
I'm so stupid becomes I am learning so much.
I hate my body becomes I am so grateful for my ability to walk, talk, and breathe
I'm so fat becomes I am on a journey to accepting my body and I am so proud of myself
If you are not quite ready to speak kind to yourself, that is okay. Everyone's journey is different. You can use the rubber band trick by wearing one around your wrist and snapping it lightly each time you think or say something negative. When you are ready you can start to replace the rubber band snap with kind words. I believe in you, love.
10. Give, Donate, or Volunteer
Giving your time, items, or money can release feelings of accomplishment and joy. Sometimes helping yourself is better achieved in helping others. Compile a list of 10 ways you can give or donate and keep it handy. Commit to doing at least one thing on this list monthly, if you can. Not only will you be helping others, you will give yourself a boost of confidence doing it. Whether you are helping an important cause like, Black Lives Matters or a friend who needs an ear to listen, show up fully and within your means. Make sure it does not drain you too hard mentally or physically or push you back financially. Boundaries are important here, especially with friends. But, with the right mix of kindness, resources and boundaries you will be feeling accomplished in no time.
11. Move Your Body
Alright, I want you to commit to moving your body at least 3 times per week for 30 minutes or more. Why? Well, regular exercise is proven to lower stress and anxiety, improve your mood, depression and self-esteem. It helps increase brain functioning, memory, and helps you sleep better. When you take the time to love your body, it loves you right back. I know it's fun to Netflix and Chill, but exercise is the new Sex & The City (I'm aware that line is so corny and yet I didn't hit delete). So, start the brainstorm for yourself. How can I make movement fun? What does that look like for me? Dance? Zumba? Running for personal best? 5k sign up and go? Yoga? Hiking? Walking the mall? Jumping Jacks during commercials? Cycling? Or, perhaps a mix?
12. Choose A New Hobby/ Do Something You Love
Have you always wanted to pick up macramé? Do you want to learn a new language? Are you really into painting, but have neglected your inner calling for years? Get in your zone and do the damn thing! You have my full permission to enjoy your life fully. If money is an issue, think how can I make the first step? Is there a youtube version of the course I can't afford so I can start right now? Can I get secondhand supplies? Do I know someone who already does it? Can I barter with someone? When you put enough passion behind it, you will find a way to get it done. Doing what you love is a sure way to feel abundance and total confidence in your life.
I hope that some of the solutions above resonated with you, my dear. This is just a small piece of what I teach my 1:1 clients in my coaching business. I wanted to let you in on a little secret as a thank you for allowing me to be a part of your growth journey. For the first time ever I am giving away the keys to all of my tools and techniques that I teach my 1:1 clients. What you just read was not even a taste of what I am offering. To sweeten the deal, I am also adding group coaching sessions and a private community where you can ask me anything along the way. The doors to my 8 week step-by-step self-love course will be open in just a few weeks. I am not sure the next time I will offer this course. And, if I do, it will double in price because this deal is INSANE. I am giving you $100 off the already low price just for reading this and signing up. There is literally no risk if you sign up and decide not to purchase the course later. But, you will certainly be kicking yourself if you decide to sign up later and miss out on this waitlist discount. If you are looking to take your self-love journey to the next level and become the person you know you were always meant to be, head on over to ashleyvives.com/waitlist to get in line for my signature course, The Self-Love Masterclass.
I hope to see you in there!